Interviews

Yeah, we know what your thinking. "How come these dudes are only interviewing chicks?!" For starters, I prefer pussy over prick myself. Not just in the bone-zone sense but also just because women keep better company. They're much more caring, articulate, and enjoyable to look at then their ugly, beastly male counterparts. Secondly, we don't personally know any of the professional types so we're basically screwed when it comes down to it. Luckily, I was recently awarded the opportunity by a local weekly publication, The Reader, to interview Henry Rollins, who could arguably be one of the manliest men to walk ever walk the planet. Not only is he smart and very well spoken but could probably beat the shit out of a polar bear as well. So for those of you that just simply can't get enough of your "guy talk" here's the interview as it ran a few weeks ago while Henry was touring for his spoken word tour, “Recountdown”.

Most of you have probably never heard of Brooke Geery. No big deal, that just puts you in the 97 percentile of the population that flip through magazines without actually reading any of the words. Brooke's name can be found among those words sometimes, usually as an author. It was when interviewing Laura that I first came to know of her name and the reputation she had earned while doing a website in the late-nineties known as "Yobeat".

Do you think that riding for Nike is going to get all these contest jocks pissed off thinking “That should be me riding for them, I’m the real athlete!”
Oh fuck yeah. I would be hyped if it did. That would just mean those kids are even stupider than I thought because they don’t understand what Nike is doing. Of course Nike isn’t going to sign a bunch of jocks – they’re trying to be fucking edgy and bad ass. I think that’s dope. Our team is fucking real, not a bunch of d-bags.

Getting a pro-shred to commit to anything, especially when it doesn’t involve getting paid, is a rarity. In the unlikely event you do lasso them into something it usually comes with all kinds of lame stipulations and requirements. Like “you can’t ask me about this” or “changed my mind, I don’t want to say that - put this instead”. The end result is a lackluster, unentertaining dialog and further proof that although someone may slay it on a shred stick, they couldn’t interview their way out of a wet paper bag. Having said that we’re proud to introduce you to Laura Hadar – one of the other kind of professionals.

Willie is rad. He’s the type of guy you wish Matt Laurer would interview in between runs at the Olympics because chances are he would sock him in the gut anytime he asked a stupid question. Which would be hilarious because by the end of it Matthew’s pants would be completely soaked ‘cuz you know how that little squirt of pee comes out every time you knock the wind outta yourself?

Believe it or not Jackson is a good kid despite his recent stint at a detention center for juvenile deliquents. His crimes included underage drinking, graffiti under a dilipid old bridge out in the woods and beating up some kids that were picking on him. Though his crimes seem minor compared to some of his fellow inmates (stabbings, armed robbery, etc.) the local authorities thought otherwise and decided to make an example of this "longhair".

Since we've been hard up for interviews I figured I would talk to this dude that came a-browsin' through the store today. Rather than worry about having to follow him around in an attempt to curb his appetite for shoplifting I figured I would ask him about his pants instead. I forgot to ask him his name so I decided to just call him Kid Lurk.